*ELECTION DEBATE*

[evil_administration]

It's 8 o'clock, and time for the debate! We're coming to you live tonight from our studios here in the visual arts department of the Academy, and let me tell you, it's been a long time since anyone dusted in here. I've got to say though, Plenair and the set are looking sharp tonight. The prinnies in makeup and our construction departments must have gone above and beyond the call of duty. Free fish for all of them, one anchovy each. They've earned it, and now it's our turn. For more information on the format of the debate, we go to my identical twin on camera two!



The rules of the debate are simple. As Moderator, Plenair has exclusive rights to use deadly force to control the pace of the debate and may shoot anyone at any time. Plenair asks questions and each person the question is directed to may use up to two minutes to respond. After their response, ninety seconds for a rebuttal from any other candidate is allowed. At any time, Plenair may shut off any microphone or shoot anyone who she feels is over their time limit or off track. Since there are no clocks in the studio, Plenair's finely honed internal clock is the sole judge, jury and executioner here tonight. To facilitate rapid revival in the case of death, the entire floor has been wired for electricity, and we have Hello Nurse standing by to provide medical assistance.



Well said, my identical looking brother, well said. A reminder to our audience at home, this is the only debate, so we'll be covering very few of the topics you actually care about. Tonight’s debate will instead be dedicated primarily to 'Where's the Pork?' a special question section about who will bring home the most bacon to the student body, 'You have no canon', our 37th part in the debate about Original characters who we are not allowed to steal and whether or not they should be allowed into our community, and 'Are you crazy enough to be here' where we as the hard hitting questions about whether our candidates are mad enough to roll with the Senate and we attempt to ferret out their one-sentence description. We go now to Plenair for our introduction to the candidates.



“...”

Comments

[evil_administration]

[Plenair invites the participants in the debate to read their introductions via the teleprompter which is displaying her lines, and visible to all the people on stage. Plenair herself?]

...

[As verbose as ever.]

[rose_liberated]

While my full list of titles would be too extensive for the time alloted, suffice to say that I am Princess Rozalin, a full overlord in my own right and protagonist of Disgaea 2. This would make me one of the few candidates on this stage who can claim to be native, and rest assured that I will see to our continued good fortune and traditional way of life.

[im_gonna_heal_u]

Hey everyone! I have previous experience dealing with the wonders of the netherworld, and I'm sure everyone could use a good medic! After all, if you're getting in fights and wanton violence, somebody has to cheat the medical bill! By the way, all threats can be addressed to Secchan, who will be happy to eviscerate you if you look at me funny (it should also be mentioned that Secchan is mine, and she is not open to dates).

[gimmegamedammit]

Hello hello all my loyal fans. As you know I am Asagi, and I am so very excited to be here today. I have a whole lot of experience being a mai- I mean, being a member of Netherworld politics. I have appeared in many titles, spanning countless Netherworlds. I have seen what is needed to be a great leader, and I vow to be that great leader!

[high_on_daylight]

I am Evangeline Anastasia Katherine McDowell, proud holder of "Final Boss" status in the manga, Mahou Sensei Negima, and blessed with even more titles than Rozalin. I look forward to advancing important Netherworld traditions, and ensuring things go as well as can be reasonably expected in the first term of a new source of chaos, pork, and general fun on our vast campus!

[mooned_hime]

Hello, everybody!

I am Princess Kaguya Houraisan. As you can tell from my title, I already have experience in the political field, which I hope to use to its fullest should you allow me to represent you in the student council.

Also, Tewi and her rabbits will make mochi.

[evil_administration]

[Our first question in the debate today is pork, the source of and motivation for votes. What pork will you bring back to the student body, if elected to office? Or so sayeth the teleprompter.]

...

[Plenair has taken out her pistol and laid it on the desk while you weren't looking.]

[high_on_daylight]

Funding of valuable yet actually useless services is an important tradition in Netherworlds the multiverse over. Of course, Evil Academy, as a school for demons, must set only the finest of examples for this practice, that students may learn to follow and replicate upon returning to their homeworlds.

Better computer labs, for example. Why should students, already saddled with so much debt, need to take on even more debt just to be able to enjoy games developed within the last six months?

Better student dorms, too. Not all can be blessed with Legendary rooms, of course, but being able to sleep soundly enough that ninjas can actually sneak up on you when you forget to lock your door and window tightly enough improves the quality of learning for all.

And, of course, fresh walls for new graffiti. It's getting hard to find any surfaces to mark, and we just can't have that, can we?

Of course, I have a demonstrable record of ability to acquire and manipulate funds to provide for all of this, but the details would be highly boring.

In short? I know how to bring things and I intend to bring them.

[rose_liberated]

The finest tradition of pure pork is the Folly or the 'Bridge to nowhere.' If I am elected, I can assure you that there will be at least three bridges leading absolutely nowhere constructed during my term. The spending of hel to produce actually productive services and useful infrastructure is the greatest possible waste of funds. Instead we should create lots of useless thingss for people to look at and to attract tourists and the idle rich who will look at our bridges and be impressed by the fact that they are completely useless.

Then we will simply take their money, recoup the cost of the bridges, and laugh all the way to the bank.

[gimmegamedammit]

Well, first off I would secure some land, a good 1000 acres. Then, I would bring in pork from all over the world. Swedish Swine, Pot belly Pigs from the far east, North American raised pigs, Wild boar from south america and Africa. Then I will employee some of the netherworlds top farmers and beast tamers, to make sure every pig is raised to perfection.

After that, I will hire 5-star chiefs to prepare and cook the pork in every known way possible. Smoked, Sweet, Bacon, roasted, processed, pickeled. If it is a pork Product, I guarantee that our Netherworld would have it! And at an affordable price to all!

[mooned_hime]

If there is a demand for pork, then I will see to it that the student body is given pork.

But let us not forget the other food groups: Chicken, cow, mochi, sushi, etc. While pork is a delicious meat when prepared properly, one must not forget that variety is the spice of life. Rest assured that I will ensure that we are not subsisting entirely on one specific type of meat.

[im_gonna_heal_u]

Medical pork, obviously!

Demons don't like progression, but surely if I use it for obviously selfish things they'll pour in money by the truckload! I also support Trickle Down Economics, if only because they make funny demotivational posters! They'll trickle down to laziness and violence, which means I'll get more money healing people!

[evil_administration]

[OCs: Threat or Menace? Should we allow canon-less migrants to attend our fair school?]

[high_on_daylight]

I see no reason canon-less migrants should be denied the opportunity to provide the school with valuable piles of tuition fees.

Really, that's about all I can say about that.

[im_gonna_heal_u]

Of course they should! It's more people to get involved in netherworld mayhem so I can heal them! Plus they'll add to the economy, despite what older netherworld senators will say!

[gimmegamedammit]

Well, as long as they know that they can't be main character, then I say allow them in!

[rose_liberated]

Original characters should be held to highers standards than those of us with more market-tested back-stories. We should not allow riff-raff in the schools.

[evil_administration]

[Just how crazy are you anyways? Can you be random enough and easily summarized in one sentence to allow people to easily exploit your personality to pass bills?]

...

[mooned_hime]

I once stole away the moon and replaced it with a fake just to hide from the people that live there.

[high_on_daylight]

Is kidnapping several people and turning them into my maid minions a good enough sign of my crazy?

[im_gonna_heal_u]

I CAN HEAL YOU WITH ONE FINGER

But if Secchan kills you I can't help you there

[gimmegamedammit]

I'M NOT CRAZY!

[rose_liberated]

When it comes to high society, I am simply stratospheric. I let them eat cake every day of the week!

[evil_administration]

That's all the time we have for now, but first, a surprise for our debate participants, a special guest election offical hired by the Dean. Ladies and ...well, ladies, since you're all women, I would like to introduce-Penultimo!



Hello to all of you! I am the Penultimo of my glorious El Presidente, who was contacted on his red phone by your school's dean. El Presidente then told me to 'Get the hell out of my office' and sent me here to supervise the election process, no doubt as a personal favor. I have been counting the votes for El Presidente for many years, and it will be a great honor to count the votes for El Presidente here as well! Alas, since he does not seem to be running in this election...well I have no idea how I will be adjusting the results. Do not worry however, I know many ways to adjust election results and I am sure that it will become clear to me as I tour the facilities (with my escort of a hundred trained Tropican Super Soldiers) how best to alter them in the current situation.

[gimmegamedammit]

... What is wrong with your face?