First Waltz - Welcome to Room 302, Sucker

[pervy_elf_fancier]

Well. Catherine Elstwhere apparently has some adjustments to make regarding her room. This place might actually be worse than some of the prisons she's been to, at least the ones that didn't involve kidnappers with chains and delusions of Catherine being a Princess.

She looks with dismay from her VERY full bags of luggage to her VERY small closet and sighs, doing Outfit Triage.

Then she logs on to her myPhone. And checks her student ID. And howls in outrage.

"Huraine's shapely bosom, I'm the Duchess Elstwhere, WHY is my title listed as 'Pervy Elf Fancier!?'"

Way to tell the entire dorm, Cath. Just saying.

Comments

[pervy_elf_fancier]

"That's rather more Louni's style than Falwythwr's. Who assures me that in her defense, she was drunk when she got that tattoo."

[notjustinthemirror]

I don't have the slightest clue what you're talking about.

[pervy_elf_fancier]

"Never mind. I suppose you found yourself a student of this place? Tell me, what ignoble title did they heap on your head?"

[notjustinthemirror]

The Alcohol Demon.

At least I got a the. Makes it distinguished I suppose.

[pervy_elf_fancier]

"An alcohol demon? I suppose there are worse things you could be than the Djinn Cthonic."

She lets that pass a beat too long.

"I am Catherine of Elstwhere. It's my first day, as you can probably tell. Is the entire bureaucracy here like this?"

[notjustinthemirror]

The Gin what now?

Like what? There's exploding penguins and the student council has a zombie on it. It's like that.

[pervy_elf_fancier]

"Exploding penguins. Dear me. And a zombie. I take it they're not very keen on things axiomatic or holy in this place."

At the terrible reception of her joke, she shrugs. "The Gin and Terrible Punchline, apparently."

[notjustinthemirror]

[He has no idea what axiomatic means, but he can guess the context.]

Netherworld, run by demons, I'm guessing not. On the bright side they're completely inept at practically everything.

[pervy_elf_fancier]

"'Oh Gods, make my enemies fools.' The beauty of that prayer is how often it works."

[notjustinthemirror]

Well they wouldn't be your enemies if they were smart. Then you'd just be dead.

[pervy_elf_fancier]

"I have been told such - I would be dead, or their ally, if my foes were not fools."

She pauses, a finger on her chin. "On the occasion that someone decided I was better off as an ally than a corpse, come to that."

[notjustinthemirror]

Well which are you better at? Being dead or being an ally?

[pervy_elf_fancier]

I've never had the dubious pleasure of death, and have spent my entire life making alliances. So.

[notjustinthemirror]

Remind me again how alliances are helpful when it's easier, faster, and more fun to just beat the other guys brains in?

[pervy_elf_fancier]

A more cynical person than I explained it this way: it's a waste of resources to kill that you can befriend.

[notjustinthemirror]

It's a waste of your hands for them to not be bloodied.

[pervy_elf_fancier]

What makes you think they aren't? Preferring and hoping that I can make allies from enemies does not always make it so.

It has proven more successful than you might think. But it has never been completely reliable.

[notjustinthemirror]

Now you're talking.

Let me know if negotiations with the locals go south so I can watch firsthand.